


Night Sounds

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama/Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 06:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jim is woken night after night by sounds of Blair's nightmare, he tries to draw the reason out of his guide.  But it takes hard work and trust on both their parts to resolve the situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night Sounds

The characters of Jim Ellison, Blair Sandburg, and Simon Banks-- belong to Pet Fly Prod., Paramount, and UPN. No infringement is intended, and no monies were received for the creation of this story. This is intended for entertainment only, and I do not libel the actors with the traits inherent in the story. 

This is a slash story, and contains male/male sexual situations-- and descriptions of implied and otherwise of sex. If this offends you, do not read further. 

I know the layout of my kitchen is slightly wrong. But I'm a writer damn it, and I felt like it. :) 

## Night Sounds

by Redskirts

Jim Ellison startled awake. His senses jumped from off to on, while he tried to settle enough to concentrate. Outside the door? In the living room? The kitchen? Where and what woke me?' He heard it then. It came from Blair's room-- a soft muffled sound that floated up to his ears. Damn. This was a sound he couldn't ignore. Not even if his life depended on it. 

He threw back the covers, swinging his legs over onto the cold floor. Reaching out, he caught the button down shirt draped across the foot of the bed. As Jim affixed the buttons, he listened for the sound once again. It was like someone breathing through something thick. Smothering? Jim threw his senses wider. No wind of movement or scuffling was apparent. 

The stairs were an obstacle in the dark. Twice now, Jim mis-stepped-- almost toppling to the floor below. He was going back and forth between anger and worry. Was this really necessary? Why was he the one to look after the student? 

Blair's door was partly open, and Jim merely pushed it wide enough to slip through. He crept to the side of the bed, leaning over his friend. Blair was on his stomach. His covers were wove around his ankles, and his T-shirt had rode up under his arms-- exposing his smooth back. Jim watched as it rose and fell unevenly. The smothering sound was Blair sobbing into several pillows. Jim expelled a held breath. He reached out a hand to Blair's back. When he didn't flinch, Jim wondered if he was awake. 

Ellison stood there sweeping his hand to and fro, rubbing reassurance into Blair. If he had been awake, Blair would have been horrified. So Jim knew he was still sleeping. Slowly, the ragged breathing became more even, then quieted. Satisfied whatever was wrong was dealt with, Jim went back to bed. He made a mental, however, to try to talk to Blair about what had occurred. 

The graduate student had been living with him for some time now. It had taken a while to get past the long hair and endless chatter; but, Blair had proved himself to Jim. Now the older man couldn't help but be so close. He felt a protectiveness toward Blair. Whenever something was wrong involving Blair-- some flame just leaped up inside him. Some had commented on its unusual fierceness. Jim just knew he would protect his guide at all costs.   
  


* * *

  


In his mind, Blair was still chained to Lash's chair. His ankles hurt from constriction. His thigh hurt from where Lash had kneeled on it. His wrists were sore from chain-rub. Each movement brought with it more pain. He just wanted it to be over. If he was going to die, he prayed it was soon and quick. Where was Jim? 

Lash was on him again. Kneeling in Blair's lap, the madman dug his bony joints into the flesh of Blair's legs. Drumsticks, Lash's hands comforting him, taunting him-- he felt each contact sharply. The freak leaning in so close, Blair could smell the toothpaste he used. He hadn't cried then. What was the use? 

He hadn't been able to let his last moments be wasted crying. Jim wouldn't have cried, and he was determined to at least die as well as Jim would. No, he hadn't cried. But now was different. Lash was back. So many nights now, he came to torture Blair-- humiliate him. It was too much. Blair cried with everything that he had held back then. 

Before Blair could wake, before he could wake to find his bed in disarray, his eyes swollen from crying-- he felt Jim's presence. In his dream, Jim appeared. Just as it had played in real life, Jim chased off Lash, freed him, and stayed with him until he stopped shaking. He was safe, and it was so because Jim had made it that way. Blair fell deeper into sleep, where dreams didn't even exist   
  


* * *

  


It wasn't until they were in the truck heading home after work, that Jim confronted Blair. "Ah...Sandburg, last night I didn't sleep to well," Jim began tentatively. Had Blair been awake? 

"Was it that cat again? Because I didn't hear anything. Of course, that's not to say you didn't. But..." Blair stopped when he noticed Jim's face. "What? What did you hear?" 

"It wasn't the cat, Chief. It was you." It was a red light, so Jim turned to his partner. "I heard something that woke me, and when I went to see what it was....it was you." 

"Me? Ah, Jim, the light's green." Blair was tinted pink, so Jim turned so Blair could hide the discomfort. "Was I snoring? What?" Please say I was snoring, Blair thought. 

"No, nothing like that. I went down to your room...I don't know, two or three in the morning...and you were...crying." He waited to see what Blair would say. When his friend stayed silent, he hazarded a glance at the young man. 

Blair's hands were in his lap. He was picking at the skin around his nails, and staring out the window. Jim could hear Blair's heart as it quickened, and was joined by a "butterfly" stomach. Jim was sorry he brought it up. Whatever was bothering his friend, was too hard for him to share it just yet. Jim couldn't reach out and fix that, so he would just have to wait. 

Finally, Blair spoke. It was a soft voice Jim had only heard a couple of times before. "I'm sorry I woke you. I didn't mean to. I wasn't even aware ....I-I wasn't even awake." 

"Hey, it's okay. I was just worried that's all. If you don't want to talk about it, I understand. I'm around though...you know." Jim left it unsaid. He hoped Blair knew he was welcome to talk to him. He supposed, though, that this might be one of those times he ended up dragging it out of the student. 

"Thanks, but it's nothing." Liar. "Probably some dream where I didn't get the girl, and I was eaten by cannibals or something." He offered Jim a weak smile, but both men knew he was lying. 

The rest of the night was wrapped in fog. Blair was unusually quiet, but at least he didn't hide out in his room. He even settled onto the couch next to Jim to watch a movie. Jim casually put his arm across the back of the couch. He hoped it would reassure Blair-- not only of his presence, but of his closeness to the man. But Blair wouldn't be baited, opting instead to go to bed early.   
  


* * *

  


This time, Jim had lain awake in waiting. He listened intently, as Blair turned about in his bed-- finally drifting off. Ellison began to drift himself, when Blair's pulse rate began to climb with the onset of dreaming. For the most part, Blair was still. Then he began to shift-- and mumble. Words came, and Jim got his first clue as to what was happening. 

"Not me...," Blair mumbled. "Only one me." A small whimper, then-- "Never me Lash. Never." Instantly, Jim knew where Blair was. Sandburg was back at the warehouse, chained to a dentist's chair. He was back with Lash-- the madman who had stalked, kidnaped, and tried to kill his partner. Jim sat up and groped about for a shirt, and got his robe. He tied it as went down the stairs for the second night, in as many days. 

Jim paused outside of Blair's room. Once again, he could hear the smothered sobs of his frightened guide. This time, however, he gently turned Blair over, and gathered him in his arms. "Shhh....it's okay," he soothed quietly. "Lash is dead. He's gone. He's only a dream, and can't hurt you. Shhh...it's okay." Blair locked his arms around Jim, openly sobbing into the older man's shoulder. Words were impossible, and Jim didn't need them. 

"Chief, it's okay. You're safe. It's okay." Ellison repeated over again like a mantra. He swayed his body to rock Blair in his arms. The younger man responded by relaxing his tense grip and muscles. "That's it. You're safe. I'm here and I won't let anything bad happen to you." Jim reached up to loosen the hair tie at Blair's nape. When the hair fell loose, he began massaging the back of his head. "Shh....it's okay. I'm here." 

Blair's sobs petered out, replaced by choked breathing. His chest beat uneven against Jim's. After awhile, Sandburg relaxed into Jim's body, and fell deeply to sleep. Jim leaned forward to gently push Blair into his pillows. But Blair had a firm grip on Jim's robe. Rather than wake the exhausted young man, Jim stretched out his long form next to Blair. He lay on his side, casually slipping his arm over Blair's chest. "Everything's okay, Chief. I'm not going anywhere." As if to answer, Sandburg turned his head, and tucked it under Jim's chin. Ellison sighed in satisfaction, and both began dreams of the other.   
  


* * *

  


The morning sun, falling through the tiny window, woke Blair. He yawned and stretched his small body-- his hand connecting with Jim's chest. Blair bolted up into a sitting position. In bed next to him was his roommate. Memories of the previous night filtered back, causing him to groan and turn crimson. He carefully lay back down in an effort not to wake Jim. He stayed with me. 

He stayed with me. Blair was amazed. Sandburg now gazed openly at his friend. Jim was longer than he. His strong ankles hung over the end of the bed. He's wide too. Jim's shoulders, even drawn together in sleep, were broader than his own. Ellison's robe hung open exposing his chest. Blair extended a finger to touch a scar below Jim's right nipple. It was round with a small jagged line leading away from it. Could it be a bullet wound? He took note of Jim's lack of tattoos. It seemed strange since Ellison had been in the military. Blair smiled to himself. The older man would never let Blair inspect him so. All the medical testing had been done by a friend at the university. 

Bolder now, Blair moved his gaze to Jim's jaw. All angles, all hard. He touched one finger to feel the stubble growing there. Jim's lips were set in a line, as usual. The corners turned slightly up in the corners as if smiling-- Blair wondered what was thinking of. Blair looked up to Ellison's eyes expecting to see the purple tint of closed eyelids. Instead he was looking into two soft blue-gray eyes-- wide open. His breath caught, and he quickly looked away. "Sorry," he mumbled. 

"It's okay. I looked you over when I woke briefly last night." At the mention of last night, Blair's face heated again. Jim ignored it, and tried to distract Blair. "You're actually a lot smaller than I had thought. I suppose your father"-- Blair's heart did an odd double beat \--"had to be tiny too. I mean Naomi's a bit taller. Not that being small is a bad thing. With the right moves, that can be an advantage. Hey, how many earring holes do you have anyway?" 

"I can't believe you inspected me like that!" An indigent Blair sputtered. 

"Whoa Chief, let's back up here. What were you just doing?" Jim defended himself. Blair made moves to sit up, but Ellison merely pulled him back down, pinning him easily under a heavy arm across his chest. "Hey, it's okay. Relax." 

Blair lay there dazed. He was still surprised by Jim in bed; he was still humiliated by last night-- but mostly, Sandburg just felt close to Jim. Closer than he had been to any man. There was a spreading warmth throughout his body; and, he felt drifty and content. "I'm okay," he said, his voice more husky than he had meant. 

Jim slowly pulled his arm back, and let Blair leave the bed. He wasn't sure what just happened. But the way Blair had talked to him...that breathy quality...it made his heart trip over itself. What am I thinking?! He watched as Blair pulled on a pair of jeans. Ellison concentrated on the sound of cloth against Sandburg's leg. He shook himself to clear away the thought. 

"Jim man, you okay? Is something wrong?" Blair asked, noticing the action. 

"Just trying to clear out the cobwebs, Chief," replied existing the bed. "I'll get breakfast today. Just get ready for work." 

"Thanks I'll just..." he pointed towards the bathroom and moved off. Blair left the door open when entered, and Jim could see him from the sink. It gave him more time to study his friend, and the strange feelings. Ellison smiled, when the young man began his day by making a gruesome face in the mirror at himself. Jim washed some mugs and plates to look busy , but he was still watching Blair. 

There was a sweetness to Blair that Jim had never noticed before. His face was so alive with eagerness. You could liken it to a child's face, but Jim knew Blair was no child. He supposed it could have to do with his lifestyle. Moving about gave one a carefree attitude, so the hurt of not connecting didn't matter. It could have been a lack of a real parent. Jim didn't think Naomi said no to Blair often. 

Blair turned and glanced at Jim. He smiled and shut the door. Jim just caught the sound of Blair's heart speeding. It had done that in the bed room as well. Could he suspect that Jim was thinking so fondly of him? Impossible.He pushed all thoughts of Blair from his head, as he prepared breakfast.   
  


* * *

  


When he had looked up to see Jim studying him, Blair's first thought was it was out of pity. But something didn't feel right, and his heart jumped. The look on his friend's face was one of curiosity, and something he couldn't place. It sent a tingle down his spine. What the hell? This is Jim I'm thinking of. He banished the wonderings with shower water, but they didn't leave for long. 

Massaging shampoo into his hair, Blair half-remembered the feel of Jim rubbing his head gently last night. Every gesture to touch that Jim had ever made-- washed over him. What Blair wanted at that moment shocked him, and he knew it would never happen. What made him so sure he really wanted it to happen himself. He quickly rinsed his hair, and slid from the stall. 

While toweling off his chest, Blair thought of this morning, when he had touched Jim's chest. It had been hard. The man had to work to keep that. Blair studied his own body. He wasn't out of shape. He was just less angled. The expanse of chest hair added to the softer image. 

The matter of cleaning himself taken care of, Blair existed the bathroom. He passed through the kitchen to his room, and closed the door behind him. Normally, he left it open, but.... I've got to get this out of my mind. Blair dressed hurriedly, discarding his layered look for a simple button down. 

"You know Chief," Jim began as soon as he joined him at the table, "we still haven't discussed what brought me to your room last night." The younger man ducked his head, blushing hotly. "I'll give you till tonight. But I want you to talk to me before you turn in tonight." 

"It's nothing, man," Blair responded quietly. He concentrated on his breakfast plate. In his mind he responded, I'm having nightmares about a dead man-- and he's my...' 

"If it's nothing," Jim continued in a low voice, "then why do you cry in your sleep? Hmmm?" Sandburg shrugged, but wouldn't look at Jim. Ellison could feel the warmth of embarrassment, the heavy beating of the heart. Jim reached across the table, and taking Blair's chin in hand, tipped his face up to him. "What's so wrong that you can't tell me?" he asked in a gentle tone. 

Blair disengaged himself by leaning back. He cleared his throat-- but couldn't think of what to say. Between the lingering humiliation of his nightmares, and the smoky feeling of Jim's touch-- his mind could only draw a blessed blank. Blair slid off his stool, and scooped up his backpack as he left the loft. Jim frowned. "Not good," he said to no one.   
  


* * *

  


The anthropology student was at his desk brooding. He had no classes today. He was supposed to be studying Jim in the field. And he hadn't put Ellison into the lab lately. He could be doing that. But no, he was sitting at his office desk, trying to grade recent term papers. Blair sighed deeply. He picked up a small toy from his desk. It was a gift from a child whose tribe he had studied. Even fiddling with this brightly colored distraction, couldn't lift his mood. 

Sandburg got up crossing the room to the only empty chair. He used it to stand on and look out a high, narrow window. What he could see of the sky was gray seamless clouds. He watched as a gull rose and disappeared into the chasmeire sky. Large hands around his waist startled him. Blair turned his head to see Jim lifting him, and setting him back on firm ground. "That chair is held together by dirt and air. Any longer, and you would have been on the floor." 

"What are you doing here?" Blair asked with great surprise. Jim cleared off another chair, then straddled it. He motioned for Sandburg to sit as well. Agitated, Blair hesitated before returning behind the desk. "Okay. Why are you here?" 

"You tell me," Jim answered. Blair wondered if his friend knew how intimidating he was right now. The open office door created a lighted frame behind Ellison; and even hunched forward, he seemed so much more massive than himself. The intensive set of the face, even softened by concern, gave Blair no option of escape. 

"Don't you have work or something?" Blair floundered. 

"I took a personal day." 

"Cops can take personal days?" 

"Blair, stop it." Jim ordered sternly, using for once his friend's first name. Then more softer, "I want to know what's wrong. I know it's a nightmare of sorts, but...What's going on?" Blair looked anywhere but at his friend. "Blair? C'mon Chief. I'm on your side here." Jim could see the conflicting thoughts behind Blair's eyes. His young face showed his turmoil. 

Jim went to Blair, sitting on the desk, drawing the student to him. He tucked the shaggy head to his lower chest, and rubbed the tense back. Blair still held back. They stayed like that for several minutes. 

"I wish you would tell me what's wrong," Jim whispered to him. "I don't understand why you won't." 

You're my friend, my mentor, my brother, my..... If I tell you, and you say it's nothing... If you tell me what I'm afraid of is nothing, I'll be lost. To Jim's chest, "I can handle this. I'm okay." Jim let out a long sigh. Getting Blair to talk was easy-- just as long it wasn't about himself. He broke the embrace, looked down at Blair sternly. 

"I know it's about Lash, Sandburg," He waited to see the reaction. The younger man just stared at Jim's knees. "You're having nightmares about Lash being alive-- hunting you." 

"No," Blair answered suddenly, popping up from his chair as he did. Sandburg looked around helplessly, finally settling on the door to his office. "It's not quite that night....different." Jim waited, listening. When nothing followed, he stood to re-enforce his position to Blair; that there was no leaving until this was finished. 

Blair interpreted the motion as something different. He thought Jim was dismissing him, and readying to leave. "I knew you didn't want to hear about this!" he accused. Sandburg tried to push past Jim, but was easily thwarted by an arm across his chest. 

"What are you talking about?" Jim asked confused. "I want to understand what's happening. Do you think I enjoy hearing you cry at night? I know it's been going on for at least two nights, but I think it's been more-- and I want to know why. Has it been bothering you a long time? I mean Lash was a while ago. What? What! You think I don't care about you? Huh?" He shook a squirming Blair. 

"I don't know what to think! You never talk to me about stuff like that. You're s-so serious. I didn't want you to think I....didn't want you to....." his voice trailed off. 

"How many times do we have to go over this?" Jim asked angry now. "How many times do I have to remind you we're friends before you trust me? What? Do you think I'll turn my back on you? Throw you out of the loft?" He stopped. Those fears were clearly written across Blair's face. Who had hurt him so badly, that he was afraid to trust another person to be there for him. The poor kid couldn't accept a friendship without looking for the strings. Jim wanted to hunt the person down, and make them hurt like they had hurt Blair. 

The bigger man pushed his friend into a chair, forcing him to take a seat.He placed a hand on either side of Blair face, and looked directly in his eyes. "Listen to me Chief. We're more than partners, and you're more than my guide. You're my friend. I don't know what that means to you, but to me-- that's very important. It means that I can look past all the crap, and not sweat the small stuff. It means I want to share what I have. There is nothing you could do right now, short of trying to kill me in my sleep, that I couldn't forgive you for. Hell, I could probably look past that under the right circumstances. But I want you to know this. Now what's with you?" 

Blair was aware of what was being related-- aware of how monumental it was. He was being accepted warts and all, with no strings attached. Unconditional friendship. But what if he out grows me? Don't think of that. Jim wants me as his friend. I'm not an imposition. Friend. He let it wash over him. Let the warmth of Jim's hands create a soft blanket over his mind. Sandburg closed his eyes, feeling safe in the close space. Without meaning to, he let his emotions spill out over his cheeks, wetting Jim's fingers. What was his friend going to say now? He was afraid to open his eyes. Stop crying! Would Jim be disgusted? 

Ellison didn't know what to expect after his speech. He knew it would probably embarrass his friend. But that wasn't what was happening. Instead, Sandburg had closed his eyes and tears started down his cheeks. The crying wasn't the wet sobs of last night, but silent-- like they slipped from a crack in a glass. Jim could feel his friend tensing again. Why this shield? He slid his thumbs under Blair's eyes making a break line in the tears. 

"Sandburg-- Blair, it's okay." And not knowing or caring where the motivations came from-- he leaned down, pressing his lips first to one eyelid, then the other. When he sat back, Blair was wide-eyed, startled. Before he could give himself a chance to think, Jim followed it with a light butterfly kiss to Blair's cheek. 

"J-Jim, I...."Blair faltered, cut off by Jim rising, turning his back. 

"Get your things together, Blair. I'm taking you back to the loft," Jim said simply. Sandburg obeyed without question. He packed his few important papers, donned his coat, and followed his roommate to the truck. Walking down the empty corridor, Blair glanced up at Jim Ellison. The man wouldn't acknowledge him, and he didn't know if that was bad or good. 

What just happened in there? Ohmigod! What just happened?Blair could feel the joy spreading through his body. When Jim had kissed his eyelids, his body had sparked with a longing he had never felt for a man. The kiss to his cheek, sweet and chaste, knocked whatever thought had been in his head. His roommate opened his door for him, standing back gallantly as he entered his side. Then as he buckled his seat belt, Jim leaned in and kissed his lips. 

After the second kiss in the office, Jim engaged his brain. There was Blair, in front of him as before, but with a look between shock and hope. Jim immediately wanted to put his arms around him-- but turned away instead. Was he crazy? He felt crazy. Ellison felt like running berserker speeds down the corridor; smacking his head into a wall; kissing those warm, soft, sweet lips. Oh God. 

Walking down the hall, he could feel Blair's eyes on him-- feel the burning presence beside him like a little flame brushing his skin. Where was this headed? His ears thundered, and he knew if he listened closely, Blair's would be flowing at the same pace. His body was alive-- beyond pins and needles. Euphoric. Blair looked away then, and Jim cautioned a sly glance.. The corners of Blair's lips turned up in a suppressed smile. Ellison had an urge to kiss him until the smile was tremendous. An extra beat of the heart, a flush to the skin-- anyone looking at Blair would know what he was thinking.. Adorable. Mine. 

Blair was buckling his seat belt. The hair pushed behind his elfin ears was slipping. A long tendril hung over one eye. Jim couldn't help it. He leaned over and kissed his friend. Blair's mouth tasted like-- Like what? Spices-- Maybe cinnamon. Ellison hurried to his own side, and the truck pulled away from the academic setting.   
  


* * *

  


Blair opened the loft door and was followed closely by the massive form of Jim. He's grown three feet in the space of ten minutes. He suddenly felt shy and scared. What was happening? "Jim?" 

"Yeah Chief?" Jim was busying himself making coffee, trying to calm himself. 

"Ah, about-- you know. What's going on? I'm like so confused right now." 

"Well join the club. It's not like I'm following a script here. Feel free to jump in at any time." 

"Jim, look at me. What's going on?" Jim turned his attention to Blair. Sandburg's face was radiating uncertainty. His lips were pursed, brows slightly drawn and raised, worry lines furrowed. Jim came around the table to his friend, and drew him into an embrace. Slowly, he guided Blair's head to rest on his chest, and kissed the curls of his crown. 

"Something's happened Chief. I look at you and...fireworks. I don't know if this is right. It feels so... I don't want to assign any moral tag to it. I'm not even sure how you feel." He stopped to gather his thoughts. "Somewhere in this crazy partnership...you went from being the odd little geek in my spare room-- to this beautiful, sweet little geek in my spare room." Jim stepped back to watch the smile spread on Blair's face. He kissed him. 

Blair stood with his eyes closed, swaying slightly. He opened his eyes-- still glassy-- and just shone at Jim. "I-I don't know what to say. And it wouldn't sound half as good as that." 

"Is that a bad thing?" 

"The voices in my head say....no?" 

"The voices? You're killing me here. C'mon baby. What are you thinking?" 

"I haven't given this thought. I was pretty foggy in the truck. I don't know what this means to my life. I'm a little...scared is all." 

"You're scared? How do you think I feel? You can't just run with this? Where's your impulsive emotions now?" 

"Are you running with it?" 

"I haven't thought long term' in depth, but I entertained thoughts on the ride over." 

"Have you ever...with another man?" Blair was nervous again. 

"Once. Along time ago. It was in the milit..." His voice trailed off. cleared his throat. "You?" 

"It was offered once. I didn't accept though. Other than that, no." 

Jim's essence pounded in its shell. "If I offer, would you decline me?" 

Sandburg shrugged. "Are you offering?" Jim moved closer and cupped his hand over Blair's cheek. The younger man's eyes closed with a sigh.-- and leaned into the touch. Ellison leaned down while tipping Blair's face to his own. Centimeters away, he paused. 

"My offer's on the table Blair. Are you accepting?" His words-- breath \--was affecting Sandburg. Jim could feel it. His skin was warming, his breathing had changed. Both bodies throbbed with energy. Trembling. 

At first, Jim just pressed his lips to Blair's. The heat there was enough to set Jim on edge. Then gently, he sucked at Blair's lower lip-- scraping it with his teeth. Then again the soft press. It was hard to hold onto his control. He touched his tongue to the small part in Blair's lips, worrying it until Blair opened to him. Cinnamon tea, mint, sugar-- the tastes were intoxicating. He pulled back slightly. "Are you accepting this?" Without opening his eyes, Blair nodded. Jim smiled to himself. He's completely mine right now. Is this what I want? Ellison covered Blair's mouth with his own. What is want? I needed this.   
  


* * *

  


Blair couldn't think clearly. The nearness of Jim Ellison was extreme. He felt so close to this man. Had for some time-- now this. It seemed like it was supposed to be this way. Is this what it means to be a guide? Did offering himself mean offering his? Guides and Sentinels-- alone for long periods of time. Jim slid his tongue along his own. A moan he couldn't stop tumbled out. This is so right. More right than any other relationship. Jim moved to his throat. Blair was whimpering. Those hands-- so warm, moved from his neck to his hips. Jim pulled him roughly against his pelvis. A shiver ran down Sandburg's spine. Jim's low chuckle in his ear was wonderful. I want this. I want him. In the moment, the stillness, in Jim's hands-- he left behind his resistance, and opened himself to his new male lover. 

Ellison could feel the residual tension leave Blair. He held him now around the waist, and at the base of his head. If I let go, Blair will be on the floor. How am I gonna do this? He turned to lean Blair against the kitchen table. With his now free hand, he unbuttoned Blair's shirt in a rush. Calm, stay calm. Down Blair's chest he slid his hands. The short wispy hairs were like the finest silk. He ran his fingers up the outside of Blair's arms, and down the sensitive insides. Blair sighed, setting explosions off in Ellison's head. Now. It has to be now before I lose control completely. Encircling Blair's wrist, Jim led him with soft tugs into the small bedroom.   
  


* * *

  


With hesitation, gentleness, and love-- Jim explored the young man's body. "You are so beautiful. I didn't realize it, but you are." Blair blushed and tried to cover himself, yet restrain from the impulse. "No, relax. Don't be embarrassed. Ever. I think you're desirable, and I'll never see you another way." He was rewarded with a kiss that ended all exploration. 

"Jim, I-I...." 

"Shhh...it's okay.....I won't hurt you, and we can stop at anytime, though it would probably kill me." 

"I love you." 

"I know."   
  


* * *

  


The room was dark, but with his heightened eyesight, Jim could still see. He was on his back, and Blair was tucked into his side-- his head resting on Jim's shoulder. Ellison had an itch on his left wrist, but he didn't want to wake Blair, so left it. Because Blair had been so new to it, Jim had been gentle at first. But as the night had gone on, Jim devoured his lover. I'll have to check the elf for bruises inflicted in battle. Battle? Even at it's most passionate, it was always tender. 

Ducking his head, Jim kissed Blair's smooth, soft cheek. The younger man's skin was silky-- not the soft flesh of a woman's skin, but the silk of a man's clean skin. Lovely. Jim could feel his sex swelling along with his heart. Making love had been reassurance of presence, demonstration of love, and comfort in choice. He loved Blair. How it came about, or why it was so easy to accept-- didn't matter. This sprite lying next to him-- the young man with the glass marble eyes....was the person he loved. That was the only thing that mattered. 

Blair stirred slightly, shifting and murmuring. Jim gently squeezed his lover closer. "Um....mmm...n-no," Sandburg whimpered. His protective lover's eyebrows shot up, and Jim kissed him awake. 

"Hey, baby, it's okay. You're here in my arms. I'll protect you." Jim soothed. He felt a bit silly saying it, but it was how he'd comfort a woman in his bed. Jim knew different rules applied here, he just wasn't sure what they were. Blair threw a leg over Jim's so he was half-laying on top of him. "That's it. Get comfortable." 

Blair lifted his head to look at Jim. "I, ah, I'm sorry. I..." he faltered. Jim nodded, stroked Blair's back. Finally, "I'm glad you're here." Then rolled off and over onto his side. Jim spooned him with an arm around his waist-- their sizes like Russian nesting dolls. 

"Chief...Blair, I mean, ah...never mind. Lay that all aside. We'll deal with it second. Tell me about these nightmares of Lash." 

"I don't want to deal with it second. Let's talk about it now, Jim" 

"Blair, no. Don't try to dodge this. I won't let you." 

"I'm not dodging anything. We'll talk about that-- just later." 

"You are avoiding it, and I want you to stop it now." 

"I can't stop what I haven't started. I'm not dodging it!" 

"Could you not? You're killing me here. Why are you avoiding the subject?" 

"I'm not! What subject?" Jim lightly smacked his bottom, startling Blair. Then raised himself onto an elbow to look down on his friend. 

"I have vays ov making you talk." Jim teased in a spy accent. Then normally, "C'mon, little one, spill it." 

"I hate being called that. One of Naomi's boyfriends called me that." 

"You're stalling." 

"Am not." Jim easily rolled Blair onto his back, then moved to stretch out over him. Sandburg was pinned down to the bed under him, and he couldn't leave if wanted to. 

"You are too stalling. Which means this really bothers you. Which means I'm not going to leave it alone. Which means I want you to talk to me." Blair looked away, but Jim moved his chin to face him-- then lovingly kissed his lips. Sandburg colored and sighed. 

"No fair doing that." He sounded so young and vulnerable then, that Jim lowered his head to rest his lips on Blair's forehead. "You make me want to cry when you do that, Jim" 

Ellison switched gears at that. "Why's that? Because I care so much for you? I love you." Blair blushed. "Are you embarrassed that I care, or that I care and am a man? Huh?" 

"Both I think. I mean...this is so different for me. It's like skipping along, jumping in puddles-- then jumping into what seems shallow, only it's twelve feet deep. I'm trying to break the surface, but I don't mind drowning. I can't explain it any other way." This time it was Jim who rolled away. He turned his back on Blair, and moved to the edge of the bed. Thinking better of it, he got up and left the room. 

Sandburg watched his back, watched as the glass door swung shut behind him. He didn't understand. Did I offend him? I didn't mean to. I was telling him how much I loved him! A lump formed in his throat, and couldn't breath or swallow around it. Silent, cheeks burning, heart breaking-- he burst apart in the small room.   
  


* * *

  


Ellison sat down on the couch, pulling a blanket over his naked lower half. So many things were spinning in his mind, he didn't know what to deal with first. Blair's confession explained a lot about Blair the person. If you never connected with anyone-- just skipped through one shallow relationship to another-- you never got hurt. Blair had never had to reach out to anyone. To suddenly be a part of something, not just a solitary person-- must be so new and terrifying. How would a person handle that? And to know Blair cared so deeply for him-- more than he had for any other...tremendous. Me? I haven't had a real love interest since it first started with Caroline. Am I ready for this? He loved Blair, sure-- but as deep as Blair needed him too? This was entirely a shock. The whole thing. Friend to male lover-- a new playing field yet to be explored. Last night-- last night was the best, most fulfilling sex in a long time. But was it enough? Was it just Blair? Would find himself attracted to other men? Ugh! Too much. He closed his eyes and leaned back. Good God, what have I done?   
  


* * *

  


Blair relaxed. He was starting to develop a tension headache. Useless sitting there miserable. Instead he just counted the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. Blair knew there was 300 stars. That was how many were in the package. Counting them, however, made him feel better. 

It had been a struggle to get the stars up in the first place. Jim had flatly refused. ~"It's bad enough you're putting holes in my walls for pictures."~ But a couple days after Peru, a package had been left at his place at the kitchen table. After that, it was a fight to get Jim to let him slap them up. First, they had to have an order. So he had borrowed a friend's book on constellations. Then, Jim didn't want Blair climbing and balancing on chairs alone. Blair had to wait until Jim was off work to supervise. The first night they were up, Jim had slept on Blair's floor in a sleeping bag. A tape of night sounds played till morning. That memory alone, made Blair feel much better. 

Sandburg got up out of bed, gathering the sheet around him like a cloak-- and peered out his door. Jim was on the couch with his eyes closed. He didn't seem angry. Actually, he looked....tired. Blair slipped into the room and padded over to the man. Standing before Jim, looking down at the new power in his life-- Blair knew whatever it was would pass. He felt blessed, and wished he could share this knowledge with his friend. Blair kneeled down before Jim, who opened his eyes. He knew Blair had been there. "I love you," Jim said without need for response. A soft smiled played on Blair's face. He pulled aside the blanket covering the nakedness of Ellison. Sandburg leaned forward, his long, twisting curls trailing up the inner thighs of his lover. Jim closed his eyes. "I love you, I love you , I..."   
  


* * *

  


It was close to midnight when Blair woke Jim, trying to exit the bigger bed in Jim's room. Blair had tried to slip off to his room unnoticed, but Jim could feel the cool emptiness where Blair should have been. Jim leaned out of the bed to grasp Sandburg's wrist. He gently pulled his lithe, young lover back to him. "Where are you going, Bit?" 

Blair had acquired the new moniker while Jim had been teasing his body in bed. ~"Does this feel good?" Jim had asked. "Oh, just a bit," he had answered.~ Jim had pounced on it, proclaiming Blair was just a bit short; just a bit sweet; and, just a bit sexy. Blair made the mistake of making a fuss, and now the name was his. "The bed is cold without you," Jim complained. 

"I was going to go to bed. I have that class to sub for tomorrow." 

"Let's get one thing straight here. This is your bed now. You aren't going to be jumping in and out as the mood strikes you. Perhaps we can make your room into an office for you. Although I want it better kept than your office at the U." 

"What about my stars?" 

Jim paused at the memory, smiling. He shook his head, then-- "You can put them up in here." 

Blair sat down gingerly at the edge of the bed. "You really want me in your bed all the time? I'm a terrible blanket hog. I have cold feet." Jim just looked at him. So adorable and loving-- He's all I need or want. 

Jim reached out to caress the side of Blair's face. Silk, pure silk. "If I didn't want you in my bed full time, I wouldn't have brought you here in the first place. I have extra blankets, and I don't mind your cold feet. You have lovely cold feet." 

Blair's eyes shone in the semi-darkness. He took Jim's hand and kissed the palm. "You are so perfect. I feel bad knowing how you put up with me." 

Jim didn't want to have Blair feel that he was putting up with him. "I love you, it's not putting up with you. Now get back under the covers, cause I miss those cold toes." Blair happily obliged. However sleep was not an option for hours afterward.   
  


* * *

  


Blair had been dealing with undergraduates, such as the one before him, all morning. All wanted to retake the last test. It hadn't been that hard. He wasn't going to give another one, when his students would have passed if they studied. On top of that, had a headache-- and he was sore in places a professor didn't want to discuss. But then Jim had strolled in. Suddenly his day was a whole lot better. "Have time for lunch, Bit?" 

Sandburg looked form Jim to the student. A smile he couldn't help spread across his face. What the hell, let's put everyone in a good mood. "Let everyone know I'll give a retest at the end of the week." The laughter in his voice was evident...but the undergrad didn't care. All knew was he had gotten a second chance. He just prayed the massive guy in the doorway, hung around until the end of the term.   
  


* * *

  


"I was going to ask you how you wanted us to handle ourselves in public-- but if you continue to light up when I walk into a room, everybody's gonna know anyway." He chuckled a little, starting up the truck. 

"Light up? What are you talking about. I'm a mask of decorum." 

"Don't make me laugh that hard....I might strain something." He laughed when Blair pinched his arm. "You just can't hide what you're feeling. When you're happy, your entire face smiles. Your eyes smile. God, you should see your face when I touch that spot on your..." 

"Stop, Jim or I swear!" Blair ordered blushing hotly. 

"It's true! You just can't help it." He pinched Sandburg's cheek. "It's an adorable trait though, Bit." 

They pulled into the parking lot of a local takeout deli. When Blair looked surprised, Jim told him, "Stay right here. I'll be right out, then we can head down to the docks. We'll eat lunch watching the water. How's that?" 

"Great, sounds good. Why can't I come in?" 

"You can never make up your mind, and we'd end up spending lunch in the deli. Just stay here." 

"Are you sure you want me to stay in the truck? I was thinking of taking a stroll downtown without you." Jim gave him a rueful smile, as headed into the store.   
  


* * *

  
Blair liked being able to tease Jim without worrying over finding his  
bags in the hallway. He settled back into his seat. Sandburg felt content  
in the glow of the relationship, if not in the specifics. How was  
supposed to act with Jim in public? What about hand holding? How was he  
gonna explain this to his mom? Or Simon for that matter. Wasn't there a  
policy against partners dating? The more he dwelt on it, the more questions  
he had. What's taking Jim so long? Blair impatiently twisted in his seat  
looking for his lover.

The man came out of the deli. At the moment of spotting him, all the air went out of Blair. His heart tickled in his chest, and he shivered in his seat. The square forehead, thin face, red gash for lips-- the guy strolling past the truck looked remarkably like Lash. 

Lash was the serial killer who had stalked and kidnaped Blair. If it hadn't been for Jim, Blair would be dead right now. But it wasn't really Lash. Just a look alike. "I'm just being too sensitive cause of the nightmares." he said aloud, not thinking anyone would hear. 

"You finally want to talk about them now?" Jim asked startling Sandburg. He had been so focused on the stranger, Blair hadn't noticed the older man's return. He quickly tried to blank his face so Jim wouldn't worry. Ellison, however, had caught sight of Blair's previous focus, and was tracking him crossing the parking lot. "He looks like him, Bit. But it's not Lash." Jim shifted his gaze back to Blair. "It's okay. You can peel yourself off the ceiling now." 

"That's not funny!" Blair retorted and turned his back on Jim. The other man studied his companion for a moment. 

"You know what? I'm gonna take you back to the loft. Then I'm going to call Simon, and tell him I need a longer lunch. I was doing paperwork anyway. And after that, you're gonna talk this out, whether you want to or not." 

"I don't want to discuss this." 

"You don't get an option." 

"It's the middle of the day, we were going to have a good lunch. I just don't want to think about it."Blair didn't need to look at Ellison to know the man was grinding his jaw. He could feel the intense stare. So soft it was barely a whisper, 

"Please, Jim? I don't want to. Don't make me talk about it." 

"It won't go away by ignoring it. If that were the avenue that worked, two days ago would have never had happened." 

"Please Jim? Don't make me beg. I'm just asking this." He gave Jim his most pitiful look. Just give me this. Don't ask me to be a fool for you. 

Jim roughly pushed his key into the ignition. He wasn't angry, but he was very upset. Ellison looked at Blair with his don't pick on me' face, and knew it was coming to a head. Both his and Blair's lives had gone through a major upheaval. Right now, the only thing he could wrap his mind around, was that he was in love-- deeply --with the young man next to him. He also understood that Blair loved him. The fact that Sandburg didn't want to talk about this with him, confused him. They could never have a healthy relationship, if Blair wasn't honest about what was bothering him. 

Ellison started the truck and pulled out of the lot. Instead of turning right to go to the docks, though, he turned left to go to the loft. Blair immediately knew Jim wasn't letting go of this. He punched the seat, and stomped one foot into the floor. Then Blair turned away and refused to look at Jim. "Pout all you want, Bit. What does it say about us, if you're to afraid to talk to me about a nightmare?" No answer. "Stop being childish." Still no answer. "So, you're not talking to me now?" Again no answer. They drove the rest of the way in silence, both fuming over the other.   
  


* * *

  


As soon as Jim parked, he jumped out and slammed the door-- shaking the truck as he did so. Ellison was at the main door before he realized Blair wasn't following him. He marched back to the truck, opening Blair's door. "So help me, don't make me embarrass you by dragging you upstairs. Cause you know I'll do it if I have to. Now get out." 

Blair existed in placid silence, and refused to be rushed. Instead he entered the building at a stroll, much to the annoyance of Ellison. Blair entered the loft, hung up his coat, and deliberately ignored Jim's stare. "You left lunch in the truck," he mentioned, trying to keep the I'm not interested tone in his voice. Jim ignored him as he called Simon, and Blair used the distraction to escape to his room. 

Simon had no idea what was going on. All knew was Jim was walking on air one moment-- to calling to bark that a problem had come up at the loft, that he'd be late. It worried him, but he chalked it up to roommate friction. He just hoped he wouldn't be called in to keep them from killing each other.   
  


* * *

  


When he had escaped to his room, Blair locked the door behind him. Sandburg knew he was just avoiding the inevitable, but he wanted time to collect his thoughts. Not to mention, give Ellison time to cool down. I'll make it up to him later. Blair was interrupted by the sound of a key turning in the lock. Jim appeared in the now open door. He didn't look happy, but had calmed considerably. 

"Blair....is this..." Jim began, then stopped. He shook his head and turned to leave. 

"Is this what?" Blair asked softly. 

Jim sighed, letting his shoulders sag. He looked beaten down. "Is this how you're always going to deal with things? By locking me out so I can't help?" Blair could hear the hurt in Jim's voice. Coming from someone so strong, it surprised him. "I mean, I love you. That is so sure in my heart, that I have no questions about that. I want to love you, make love to you, protect you, comfort you. It hurts me to no end to see you hold back from me." 

Words so simple and powerful, pushed at Blair. He felt so small and terribly sorry. That had not trusted Jim to love him, shamed him to blushing. Sandburg could feel his eyes welling up, and tried to blink them back. I will not cry. He quick looked away from Jim to the ceiling. 

Jim, sensing that he was breaking down the barrier, had the urge to go to his love and hold him in his arms. Watching Blair struggle not to cry wounded him. All he wanted was to have that warm little body pressed to his-- run his fingers through the thick curls. But he hung back. Blair was a soap bubble, and if reached out to Blair-- he'd pop in a slash of rainbow light. "I'll go get lunch from the truck, then I'm going upstairs. If you need me, there's no lock keeping you out." He had added the last part as an extra push. But Blair had to come to him.   
  


* * *

  


Blair was grateful Jim left at that moment-- for as the door shut, the first tear had rolled down his cheek. He had cried so much lately, he had fervently hoped there wasn't any more water in him. But the first was joined by a second, then a third. No use counting after that. One, two, three, and many. He pulled out one of his pillows to hug, sunk down to the floor, and just let it all come out. Blair knew Jim could hear him. He felt so ashamed. 

If it were just about Lash, I could tell Jim. But it was more. It was that he couldn't trust to be happy. He couldn't believe Jim wouldn't laugh or dismiss him. Blair didn't...or couldn't believe that this or any other relationship would last. How could it last? The one relationship, the most important one for Blair, had never lasted or started. The first person he could depend on, his father, had never let him. He didn't even know who the man was. Blair had kept this in him for so long-- guarding it like some treasure. A well tended hearth, always aflame. 

Blair knew why he dreamed of Lash. It ran deeper than just what had happened. Lash was everyone and everything wrong in his life. Sometimes Jim would rescue him...sometimes he died-- sometimes a phantom man came and rescued him...his father. How could he explain that all to Jim? How could he explain being a 25 year old man-- wishing for his dad to make everything alright. It sounded ludicrous to even him. And what if that wasn't how Jim saw it? What if Jim saw it as Blair's attempt to find a father figure in him. Blair knew the distinction. But would his lover? This is a mess. A huge mess. 

Crying like this was tiring him out. Blair still didn't have a solution, and his head ached dully. No use going back to the university. He was done for the day. He'd probably nap a while, then do some work on the laptop before dinner. Sandburg sniffed away what was left of his tears. Directing his mind to what he could be doing was helping. He rubbed the back of his hand across his cheeks, and tucked his hair behind an ear. Then he cautiously entered the kitchen. 

On the table were two wrapped sandwiches, and two containers of different salads. He retrieved a plate, and scooped out what turned out to be potato salad. It tasted pretty good for the first two mouthfuls. But then it changed to sand in his mouth as his stomach bottomed out. A lump came to his throat, and couldn't eat another bite. Blair began mashing the food, pushing it around his plate. He glanced up to Jim's room, only to see Jim's back, leaning against the rail. He was up there reading a book, although Blair had the feeling he wouldn't be able to remember what chapter he was on-- let alone the name of the book. Oh well. My life is a mess anyway.   
  


* * *

  


Jim knew Blair was in the kitchen. He wasn't reading, he was listening. He had been listening since the first tear. Jim kept having to stop himself from going to his lover to hold him-- comfort him. Ellison heard the ending sniffs, and Blair as he entered the kitchen. Please, Baby, come up here and talk to me. Please. Then a stool scraped back, and Blair crossed the living room. Jim could hear the steps creak under Sandburg's feet. Half-way up the stairs Blair came. Only half-way. He didn't look at Blair, but patted the bed beside him. 

Blair came all the way up, stood next to the bed, and fidgeted. Before he could change his mind, Jim pulled him down to the bed, to sit next to him. So they sat, side by side-- with Jim's arm loosely draped around Blair. The younger man leaned his head back onto Jim. "I hate this," Blair said. Ellison just nodded. "You're not gonna like hearing this. You might change your mind about being in love with me." 

"I seriously doubt that." 

"Trust me. This is so messed up. I hate thinking about this." 

"You just hate talking about yourself, Bit." 

Blair thought that over. He's probably right. "Maybe. But you need to promise me some stuff first. Okay?" 

"Whatever I can do to make you more relaxed and this easier." 

"Okay, well...ah...first, don't interrupt. I need to get this all out, and if I stop-- I don't know if I can finish." 

"Fair enough. I won't interrupt. You have my promise." 

"Okay, also...don't weird out on me. I mean, I can take you wanting to go back to friends..." 

"Liar." 

"I could maybe take it, but I couldn't take you acting strange around me. I'd move out." 

"Really? You'd move?" 

"In a heart beat." 

"Okay. I promise, no weirding out. That it?" Blair nodded his head. The younger man was biting his lip and peeling his nails-- habits Jim hated. Ellison could see how hard this was. He pulled Blair into his lap, cradling his body, and holding Blair's head to his collar. 

"You know I've been having nightmares. And you know they're sorta about Lash. But it's not about that night. It was never about that night. They started shortly after Naomi left. I don't know why...maybe she triggered something." Blair began to slowly spill out the whole tale. For the next hour he explained everything. The nightmare. His father. His inability to trust in himself and others. Jim never interrupted, keeping his promise. He just continued to hold him close. By the time Sandburg finished, Blair was shivering in Jim's arms. "That's pretty much all of it. Pretty messed up, huh?" 

Jim was silent in thought. He knew now why Blair always stayed at arms length, and what caused him to be like that. Each person carries with them parts of other people's lives. You couldn't know you were missing a part, or that you needed it-- until you felt it's absence. Being in love was knowing this, and accepting your partner with blanks in them. Jim knew trust would always be an issue with Blair, and that even when he had learned to accept Jim and himself completely-- Blair would be fragile and deeply connected to Jim. If I love him, it will have to be forever. No turning back. He was surprised when the thought brought a peace, and joy to his mind. 

"Jim, say something. Anything, please," Blair implored. He was sitting up, begging Jim with his eyes. When Jim smiled at him, Sandburg became agitated. "What? Should I start packing my bag? What?" 

Jim took Blair's chin in one hand, the other caressed his cheek. Blair relaxed into the sensation, letting Jim kiss away his fear of rejection. "I love you, little Bit. I understand what you've said, and I wish I had an answer to help you. I don't have a clue on how to fix this. But I love you, and I'm not running in the opposite direction." 

Blair encircled Jim in a hug. He held on letting relief wash through him. Jim returned the embrace, knowing this would be where the bond between them would really begin. No ceremony or ritual would make them closer. In his mind, had taken a husband, and had become one himself again. "Thanks, Jim." 

"For what? Loving you enough to understand. Wanting you to know I'm not letting you go? What's to thank, Bit?" 

"You could have said I was too much work....had too much baggage." 

"Stop. This you don't have to work on. Trusting me to love you, and to be open with me-- that you need to work on." He punctuated it with a finger tap on Blair's nose. 

They shifted from sitting to laying-- nestled like the nesting dolls again. Jim and Blair lay there in each other's arms for a long time. It was with great reluctance they left the bed. But they carried the feel of the other with them, and for now...that was all they needed.   
  


* * *

  


Jim had cooked dinner-- which made sure the ingredients were run-of-mill-- letting Blair take a shower. Jim hoped it would relax the younger man. Clear away the cobwebs. A shower, a good meal, some t.v....Jim hoped it would be enough. Blair came out of the short hall, heading towards his room. A towel was around his hips, water was dripping behind him, and he didn't seem to notice. "Hey, you gonna clean this up?" 

"Clean what up?" Blair called from behind the door. 

"The trail of water." Jim crossed to the door and opened it. Blair stood naked before him. All the breath went out of him. Glorious. Blair came forward and put his arms around Jim. "Are you sure?" Jim asked in a soft husky voice. Sandburg nodded, kissed the hollow of his throat. Dinner could wait. "Let me turn off the stove." Blair stood on tiptoe and kissed Jim's earlobe. To hell with dinner. "Uh....I,ah...have to turn off the stove, Bit." Blair kissed his cheek, and slipped his hands up under Jim's shirt. Ellison broke away to the kitchen. Then he came back, lifted Blair off his feet, and satisfied another hunger.   
  


* * *

  


Blair lay pinned under Jim's heavy form. The bigger man breathed deep and even, and Sandburg knew he wouldn't be going anywhere. He was glad he and Jim would be using the upstairs bed. This narrow bed was very crowded once the passion wore off. Passion. Such a soft word for a hard, fast emotion. 

Hard and fast had described most of Blair's life. Each decision he made was instant. Each action had no hesitation. Sometimes that came back to bite him in the ass. But other times....other times led to great discoveries, such as Jim. But how Blair led his life would have to change. There was his lover to consider now. 

Blair absently stroked Jim's sides as he replayed the night in his mind. Even highly aroused, Jim had taken him with tenderness. An odd thing giving the man's fierce nature. A second time Jim had mounted him-- Ellison asserting his possession. Finally front-to-front-- Which Blair loved. The memory of Jim looking down on him with such love and affection-- warmed his body still. After, when he should have been exhausted, Jim thrilled his body with lips softer than they looked. 

What could have been a disastrous night, wasn't at all. Blair felt incredibly loved. He sighed and Jim stirred awake. "What's a guy got to do, to tire you out, Bit?" He asked sleepily. 

Blair cheerfully kissed his cheek. "Sleep is for wimps." 

"Really? Will you say that in the morning when the alarm rings? Perhaps I didn't work you over enough?" Jim said tickling Blair's side. He stopped when Blair's squirming became to much for him. Jim nipped Sandburg's ear and trailed kisses along his jaw line. 

"Ahhh, so beautiful." Jim commented as he kissed Blair's lips. "My mongrel with the stubborn mouth. I could kiss you forever." Blair chuckled at that. "I really have to work tomorrow. Simon is only so patient." 

"I know. I have a test to proctor, and paperwork I was supposed to do today." 

"Yeah, well what do you say to moving upstairs? I could sleep on a fence, but you can't be comfortable." Jim stood and pulled Blair up to him-- wrapping a sheet around him. "So, Bit..." Jim asked lightly, "you think maybe you'll sleep okay? You aren't afraid to sleep or anything, right? Talking about what caused your nightmares helped, no?" 

Blair crawled into the bigger bed first, letting Jim block him in against the wall. "I don't know. I feel better that you know." 

"Well it took you long enough to tell me." Jim retorted. 

"I know. I just couldn't tell you." He snuggled to Jim's side. 

"You can tell me anything. This is for keeps. You share more than my bed. We're talking lifetime commitment here." 

"Whoa, lifetime? When did we decide this?" Jim turned on his side to look down into Blair's eyes. Big skies in little pools. 

"I decided it, Bit. Right after you handed me your most fragile parts for safe keeping. It's you I want in my life, Baby. And I hope you feel the same." Blair colored slightly, but recovered enough to kiss the breath out of Jim. 

"I love you too. And I think I won't be dreaming of Lash anymore. I have better things to dream about now." 

"Good." 

"But just in case, hold me real tight. Okay?" 

"Okay, Bit." Jim answered and pressed Blair closer. They both drifted off then, and entered a place where lovers' dreams intertwine.   
  


* * *

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